Wednesday, July 10, 2013

5 Ways to Talk to Men

based on the fact manfriend and i have recently almost killed each other i'm like..

how do you even talk to men? it's a true art. talking to my manfriend sometimes is like talking to a brick wall. i honestly get better feedback from scoobs. if he isn't at least six coors lights in, he is not having a serious discussion and if american ninja warrior is on i might as well be asking my cab sav to take out the trash. (i love the man, i do)

but-how do you get that man to take out the trash?

it takes finesse.

here's 5 ways.

1. stroke the ego. 
amiright? 
"manfriend, your new haircut is so cute. i love your beard. will you help me by taking out the trash?"
this doesnt. even. make. sense. (because his haircut looks like shit from great clips) but damn, it is well received.

 ^our first halloween together. i... i don't even know what to say.

2. accuse.
"manfriend you NEVER take out the trash."
untrue. but hey. just to prove me wrong he will.
 ^ the "80's party". because we are in our late twenties and that is what you do?

3. over-exaggerate.
"manfriend i'm so tired and exhausted and my boss yelled at me and it's hot out and unicorns aren't real and teen mom is a rerun and i just want to give up!"
since men like to fix things he'll probably automatically say "aww baby what can i do to help?"
answer: "take out the trash." i pull this sucker daily and man it works.
^?????

4. cry.
you ever just start weeping? it's awesome. because my manfriend will do anything to stop my ugly nonsense sobbing. so in between the falling tears and him asking what to do, i sob, "i just wish you took out the trash like i asked.." works like a charm. and what? of course i'm not crying about the trash, i'm crying because there was like 4 red sour patch in the bag and 39,824 green and yellow. obvi.
^ why yes, yes, we did wear light suits to a party..

5. ask after sexy time.
'nuf said.
^aw.

all this funny business said, i love the dude. mostly because he came out of the bathroom (where he was reading my blog on his iPhone whilst shitting) and said "wow you could have been way more harsh about me in that post".

haha. love that weirdo.




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13 comments:

  1. I love clicking over here. Guaranteed laughs. Number 1 always works. ALWAYS. It's too easy! And EXCUSE ME-- I'll take ALL your yellow and green sour patch right off your hands and gladly mail you all my red.

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  2. HAHA the sourpatch kid thing made me LOL. SO TRUE. also definitely trying the "unicorns aren't real" bad day excuse

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  3. haha I love this so much! it is so true and pretty much sums up my conversations with my boo

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  4. this is hilarious! i am the queen of #3...it's ridiculous.

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  5. but for realz why do great clips haircuts always look different! are they taught that in their great clips schooling. riddle me confused.

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  6. Ahhhh I had many other things to say but then LIGHT SUITS. You just win. I need a light suit in my life.

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  7. This is awesome. But MANFRIEND listen up - taking out the trash is your job. Duh, girls don't do trash!

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  8. I am guilty of using all of the above mentioned tactics. Do what you gotta do I say.

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  9. You're right, you are so right!

    I just found you through Helene's blog! You're funny!

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