Wednesday, July 24, 2013

I Spent My Lunch Hour Knee Deep in Poop

by the time you will be reading this it will be wednesday. it is currently monday at 1:16pm. what just occurred on my lunch hour i cannot believe. and i sat right down here to tell you all about as gruesome as it all may be.

read if you dare......

i got home for lunch monday afternoon with a skip in my step. i hadn't been able to visit scoobs at lunch for a couple weeks because of quarter end and this was my first day back. we attempted to walk in his new harness, we played, we cuddled boo boo, we trained. then i had to pee.

do you like assess the bathroom before you pee? like look in and around the toilet etc? i don't. it's my house not a porta potty at lollapalooza. so i opened the lid and sat down to pee.

and as i'm sitting there i'm like that's weird, my pee normally doesn't smell like satan's breath after he ate a garlic covered pizza?

so i get up and looked down.

manfriend's poo.

all of it. 

not like a normal poo, but like.. i debated texting him to see if he still had organs.

i peed on manfriend's poop.

i could stop here. but it somehow got worse.

so i'm like holy shit (no pun intended) and i flush.

and it explodes back up at me.

so then i'm texting manfriend because what else.


so i run and grab the plunger. and i plunge.

like at this point the rapture is coming out of the toilet.

it. is. the. apocolypse.

i'm sweating so bad it is in my eyes and scoobs is barking and that shit is not going down.


my hair is sticking to the back of my neck and i'm near tears, then finally it somewhat goes down.

i flush again and it isn't working all the way but at least it isn't near overflow.

so i debate, what now? i'm covered in sweat, scoobs is chewing his own foot in anxiety and manfriend can't be alive if that came out of him.

so i put the toilet seat lid down.

and i washed up.

and i went back to work.

i spoke to no one the remainder of the day.
      
i decided last minute to link this up with sarah and helene because they are awesome and i love supporting them and everything they do.

not because manfriend's poo inspires me. although he inspires me for allowing me to write this blog post basically embarrassing the shit out of him all over the internet.

let's never speak of this again.

Helene in Between
 

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50 comments:

  1. hahahaha omg. just omg. sickkkkkkkk. i might actually vom.

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  2. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhahahahaha. I would have puked. your texts are amazing. your man is amazing for letting this shit make it out on the internet. god that's love.

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  3. Bahahaha! At least he was apologetic! My husband would have been like uh sorry without an ounce of remorse lol.

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  4. So seriously funny! I'm am so sorry for laughing because I know it wasn't funny at the time but hahahahahaha!

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  5. Omfg that was hilarious. I've had similar experiences with my man friend. I know it's not funny but it's funny! Stopping by from the link up!

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  6. I am tearing up laughing at this!!! I can't even handle it!

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  7. Yuck! you are very brave.... icky icky

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  8. Snort laughing at my desk...that is love. Wow....

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  9. AHAHAHAHAHAHA LOLINGGGGG

    dudes suck.

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  10. Bahaha I am dying!! I don't think I could have handled that. You are a SAINT, girl! Manfriend is lucky--and awesome for letting you post about this!

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  11. Embarrassing the shit out of him? Is there any shit even left?

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  12. New follower, I was told by Adriana that I had to check out your blog! All I can say as a response to this post is omg..man-friend is lucky!

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  13. Too funny! Thanks for reminding me that my day could definitely be worse. :)

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  14. THAT IS LOVE. My favorite is that he said 'just leave it', as if the toilet wouldn't erode if that *shit* stayed in there for any more time.

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  15. I am laughing at my computer screen at work. I have no words, just none. Those texts oh.my.gawd.

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  16. I don't know which of you loves the other more - you for plunging or him for letting you blog about it! So funny. So gross. I thought it was going to be the dog's business at the rate you two are going!

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  17. OMG I am crying!!!! hahahaha!!! That is just terrible!!!

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  18. oh my gawd, i am dying. i just laughed out loud. --> the rapture is coming out of the toilet.

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  19. omg that happened to me once and it was terrible! i left it for my hubs to clean up because ain't nobody got time fo' dat!!!

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  20. hahahaa this is fantastic, the texts had me dying! when he's like oh my god i'm so embarrassed HAHAHAH

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  21. Hahaha, love this! And love that you posted this - you're a trooper & he's a good sport!

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  22. omg omg I would die. and then come back from the dead and kill him

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  23. Hahaha, I just died laughing. I just found your blog today...and I'm pretty sure this post has turned me into a follower.

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  24. Haha I just found your blog, and this is hysterical!!...and yes definitely "true love"!!~Brett

    http://stilettosstuckinsnow.blogspot.com/

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  25. Omg. I just died. From laughter. I think my own man friend thinks I'm having a seizure because I'm reading on my phone in the cover of darkness whilst in bed and in tying to stifle my laughter I am convulsing. I only laugh because it didn't happen to me! Hilarious! But at the same time, my condolences.

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  26. This is absolutely hilarious! I can imagine it was horrible at the time, but at least now (hopefully) you can look back and laugh :D

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  27. oh. my god. not only is that hilarious, but that is EXACTLY how my boyfriend would have responded haha!

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