if you missed yesterday's post. seriously go here first because it is pretty imperative.
so wow, about that whole moving and new job thing.
first, thank you so much for your supportive comments. thank you so much. they cheered my heart yesterday and i was full of smiles.
second, many of you asked whether i'm keeping scooby or if (ex) manfriend took him.
(ex) manfriend ate the chilis take out i got him, watched breaking bad on our couch, and then came into the bedroom and said he was leaving us and packed and walked out at 11pm on a tuesday evening.
believe me, that doesn't warrant any right to this face.
(sorry about that eye booger he was really embarrassed i posted this)
so i'm here in orlando for house hunters orlando and here's the first thing i want to admit.
you'd think there would be nothing negative about this right? dream job, fresh start, cool town.
well...either i'm just nancy negative or actually there is some ickiness. in fact. i'm having really hard emotions about this whole thing. i'm struggling kind of bad. you see, my life was perfectly comfortable and happy when this all happened. everything was fine. i lived near my family, my nieces and had fun friends and (ex) manfriend and i were the two happiest of people. then i got a call from the company. then all these things were set into motion that..
kind of made my life feel like it was falling apart rather than coming together.
i experienced the fear of leaving family and friends. leaving my cute little condo with affordable rent. and i unexpectedly faced the fear (terror) of doing this alone when i went in with the plan that i was doing it with someone.
this is hard. house hunters orlando made it harder.
first it was the amazing community, location i wanted to be in, but kind of dated apartment with the small living room. the area was perfect and filled with lakes and trails for me and scooby and it just felt homey.
then it was the new apartments that had it all but it was in tourist central and not in my favorite location. think, stuck between two crappy motels and a t-shirt shop.
and then of course there were these uber fancy apartments that i could never afford a two bedroom in and that were still under construction in phases so the community wasn't scooby friendly yet with no trails and pet runs. but look at the freaking apartment.
and then i found them. the apartments. perfection. the location i wanted, a great size, pet friendly and a great community with a lake scooby and i could prance around screaming about how we loved florida...
and i couldn't afford them.
and i broke down.
i'll be real. i cried. and i hated. and i regretted. and i rethought everything. because this blog is a passion of mine to tell my story of real life...... and the real life about this new job and this move and this adventure is that while i'm blessed to have it and while it is amazing and once in a lifetime...
right now it hurts.
you wouldn't believe the thoughts that came spiraling into my head and pouring into my heart when i knew i couldn't afford to make this home for me and the pupsqueak.
is this the right move?
how will i give us a good life?
how could (ex) manfriend just leave us? because if we were together this loneliness and fear certainly wouldn't be there. not to mention we could have afforded the damn apartment.
there is a sorrowful peace in my heart now that i've made the decision that i feel may stay here for awhile. if you're wondering, i chose the little dated one in the amazing community. because i thought of mornings with my best friend walking those trails together. i saw a dog park for him and a lake he could see. i found a starbucks this morning ten minutes from it before i applied for it, where they sang "hi ho" while they made my coffee. and i found a little downtown ten minutes away with a farmer's market every saturday that is pet friendly and has two wine bars. (obvi).
and i thought, yeah, scoobert cunningham and i might be able to make this home.
it is hard to leave comfort behind for the new and the scary. it is hard to feel lost and alone. it is hard to feel like i may fail. but not trying would be the true failure i think.
so many thanks to the friends that rallied around me this trip so i wouldn't have to make it alone. they took days off from work and held my hand when i was scared. it is amazing to see your support system come out, the people who truly care for you, in your times of need.
sarcastic short picture filled posts will return for your amusement. but right now, i hope you like the heart!