i'm back. so sorry for consistently sucking at blogging. but the move, the fact i had no internet and blogging from my iphone is worse than I-4 traffic in orlando, and the fact this move has been harder than heck, should be a good reason. but now i'm settled, bags are unpacked and it is time to start this life here in central florida. let's rewind this like we fell asleep while watching something we DVR'd and now we have to go back just a bit..
leaving north carolina was probably the hardest thing i've ever done. it was a weekend of goodbyes and my eyes and head hurt from sobbing. not to mention i was sleeping in my empty house, on a crappy aerobed and i couldn't take how much my heart hurt. i felt like i had no home in florida, and not really one in north carolina anymore. it was like one of those gypsy TLC shows except i wasn't getting married at 15 and moving into a trailer.
but the fact is, when my niece hugged me goodbye i almost backed out of the whole thing and that's the truth.
it was cold and 5am when i pulled out of my parent's driveway, my car packed to the brim and a scooby in back. when my dad teared up, my heart broke. but he said he was excited for me, and he meant it. pitch black, freezing and crying so hard i could not see, i drove away from everything i called home. no, it wasn't where i was born and raised in detroit, but it was where my parents were, my friends were, my nieces and brother and sister in law were, and damn it hurt. i think i finally stopped crying in georgia. six hours later.
when i got to my apartment here in florida, things took a turn for the worse. i opened the door to find a disaster. the carpets were stained so bad it looked like a yeti lived there previously, the sink was flooded and no outlets were working. thank god my mom had caravan'd down with me to help get me settled because she held me together i swear. it seems small now, and maybe you reading it seems whiney, but after a 9 hour drive, the hurt of leaving, and everything else, all i wanted was a nice place to get to.
and it wasn't.
but i was there and as much as i wanted to close my eyes and land about four months ago on my comfy couch next to (ex) manfriend watching season 3 of downtown abbey that wasn't going to happen. so i did something stupid and tried to live like it was real, like my old life could just come back. i sat on those dirty carpets next to scooby and i looked at all the pictures i had on my phone of my "old life". and i sobbed and it got bad and i sat there staring at these pictures and his facebook like...pity party YOU'RE INVITED.
omg, how am i here, i hate this, this isn't home, it's hot, how could he be over it? how could he just be effing partying and playing frisbee and having the time of his effing life while i'm sitting here on nasty carpets that are flooded in the dark crying?
and you know what? i decided right there that i had to stop. this wasn't going to be easy regardless but if i did this, i was going to drown in my own tears mixed with the flooded sink water.
and isn't that the truth? so i rolled up my sleeves, and i looked at my pup and i decided i had to try to make this home.
do you like it? to top it all off, the beautiful adriana sent me gifts to cheer me up. she actually did that guys.
after two days of unpacking, scrubbing, cleaning and organizing it was time to focus on this man.
he isn't taking the move well. i'll talk about it later. so to cheer him up, together we discovered a huge dog park in our community that no one uses. i've dubbed it scooby's yard and each day he goes to it (it's simply up the path) i see his spark come back.
one day we even visited the winter garden farmer's market together which is a huge craft fair and farmer's market in my town every saturday that kills me it is so cute and pet friendly.
and most evenings we take a walk and i tell him all about how things could be worse and he tells me i'm projecting just to make myself feel better. it's fine.
and all of those evenings, i do have to admit, florida is kinda, sorta, beautiful.
and today i started my dream job and the whole day i honestly sat there in shock and near tears that finally, finally, i freaking did it. i made it. i work at disney.
so now what? well. it's time to get a routine together here. it's time to make a life. they say it takes a year to get settled in a place but i'm determined to cut that down a bit. because, honestly, you couldn't take me whining for a year and that's the truth.
so i started work, and now it's time to join a gym, and my new kickball team starts on friday. and it's time to smile, be content, and make a schedule. it's time to dive into work and be an all-star there! it's time to get fit and be happy with myself. it's time to make a bond with scooby even more than we already have, and do his next level of training and love him so much everyday. and it's time to say yes and make friends and smile even when it sucks and i just want to run to the comfort of my old life and friends.
because life could have been easy, comfortable and okay. but i didn't take that route. and as much as i wish i was back home this weekend, with things to do, and comfort and ease, it makes me feel all the better i'm the person that said "okay" wasn't good enough.