Monday, December 30, 2013

Dear Me

dear me one year from now,

well here you are. it's almost the end of 2013 and you're sitting in your little apartment watching the rain fall in florida. you're having one of those "i can't believe i live in florida moments" and watching law and order svu. typical sunday. can you believe it one year from now? i hope you come back, on december 30th of 2014 and read this letter. maybe you'll laugh, maybe you'll cry.

dear me one year from now, i hope you get your confidence back. i hope you do it by becoming the best you that you can be. i hope you it's not all "talk" this year. run like you're flying. go to the gym to get strong not skinny. i hope you finally tried cross fit and hot yoga and PR'd a half marathon. i hope you do even more than that and when you look in the mirror you smile and say "man, this is who i wanted to be". i hope you got healthy in every way possible. do it and don't give up. i hope you finally feel beautiful.

dear me one year from now, i hope you joined every little thing at work. every club, every volunteer event, every meeting. i hope you stayed positive, focused and determined. and i hope right now you have an idea, a contact and a dream of where your next move will be, and i hope you go for it. i hope every single day you still look at the sky and think "i can't believe i work for the walt disney company".

dear me one year from now, i hope you find your light again. i hope when you smile it is from the heart and you mean it. i hope you laugh from your gut, find new music, dance at concerts and find peace in new friends. go out there and make friends that are as close as family and lovers that kiss you deep. don't hole up in your apartment because it is safe and secure. i hope you ventured out and i hope you were brave.

dear me, your heart was broken. pretty bad, huh? i hope where you are now it doesn't sting anymore. i hope when your breathe in deep it doesn't feel like there are holes any more. i hope you finally have peace and comfort and closure. and i hope you finally realize it wasn't you at all.

and , if you're with someone again. i hope you are surrounded in love and trust. i hope he laughs as hard as you do, has nothing reserved and you know deep inside he means as well as you do. i hope he loves scooby and benny and gus, smiles as big as you do when you talk about your nieces and knows the happiness of eating popcorn and watching the fireworks on main st. and if he's not all of those things, move on. you don't deserve another minute of just average and you deserve someone who is the one.

dear me,

make peace with your past so it won't disturb your present.

what other people think of you is none of your business.

time heals everything, so give it time.

no one is in charge of your happiness, except you.

don't compare your life to others, you have no idea what their journey is about.

stop thinking so much, it's alright to not know the answers, they will come when you least expect it.

smile. you don't own all the problems in the world.

to 2014.

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Tuesday, December 10, 2013

It Isn't Easy, But It's Beautiful

greetings from florida!


i know, i know. it's been awhile. but so much has happened since before thanksgiving that has taken its tole on me physically and emotionally that i just needed a break. from life. i actually wrote a woe is me post. a omg, my thanksgiving was ruined post. a scooby's vet is so expensive post. a oh help me post, a oh my gosh it is still so hard post. a why is it still so hard?? post.

then deleted it. all of it.

suffice to say, since then, it has been a struggle. but reading the post, it was just more of a struggle. so i deleted it all. and decided to just focus on some photos that have made me smile so much. and i decided to list the things i'm thankful for, albeit almost two weeks late. (better late than never?!)





my niece looks like the grudge scary movie in this pic, sorry in advance.












^this one makes me tear up for some reason. 


i am thankful for christmas sugar cookies with vanilla frosting.
i'm thankful every night at 9pm i hear the fireworks from the magic kingdom.
i'm thankful still, to this day, i play the song on my iphone to go along with the booms.
i'm thankful for my pink tree even though it leans and is a little broken.
i'm thankful for my job, my most amazing job, working for the most amazing company in the world.
i'm thankful for my parents who took care of me over thanksgiving, got me out of the house, and always try to make me laugh.
i'm thankful for christmas movies on abc's 25 days of christmas.
i'm thankful for epcot, and its wonderful treats and wonderful drinks.
i'm thankful for the the new gym i found, giving me hope of getting in shape again.
i'm so thankful for all of you!
i'm thankful brooke lyn and adriana and tami send me snapchats and cheer my days up.
i'm thankful for all the friends, both close and that i've barely met that give me kind words and cheer through this crazy time.
i'm thankful for a good red wine.
i'm thankful for my new kickball team and the laughs they bring.
i'm thankful for my wonderful apartment in the nicest little neighborhood full of paths for walking and palm trees and gorgeous lakes.
i'm thankful for long walks with scooby in the morning and at night where i talk with him and tell him stories and he looks back as he walks as if he really is listening and loves it.
i'm thankful i have to drive past space mountain to get home.
i'm thankful for the nights curled up with scooby in bed and the way he snores and curls up closer to me when he's having a bad dream.
i'm thankful i had the balls to make this move and continue to try and make the best of it every day.

i'll leave you with some food for thought.



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